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Real Issues In My Life — YOFO: You Only FROSH Once?!?!

WHAT IS FROSH? This is not a rhetorical question and I’m not asking it for dramatic effect, seriously, what is it? Why does it happen? And what are its origins? HELP. Here is what I know for sure: FROSH is kind of like the Canadian equivalent of freshman orientation…on crack…literally, I think some of the froshes (froshies?) may be on crack. From what I’ve gathered based on my own personal experiences with what I am going to call frosh mobs, FROSH (I don’t know why I’m writing the word in all caps except maybe to demonstrate to the reader just how obnoxious the entire thing is) takes place within the first few weeks of Fall semester and consists of a bunch of different activities designed to get the brand new university students completely and utterly shitfaced off of their asses. The students are then paraded around downtown Montreal like a merry band of stupid drunkards. Also they are given matching neon t-shirts to wear and are taught really annoying and loud chants to scream as they stumble their way down Sainte Catherine’s in a massive, drunk, sloppy hoard. I have never felt more second-hand embarrassment in my life than I have while watching a frosh mob in action.

I’m honestly not sure if FROSH is something that is unique to Montreal or if it’s practiced all over Canada, but I think it has something to do with the fact that the drinking age here is 18. Most university students are legal to drink which is why the schools can sponsor such debauchery. I don’t know if FROSH could ever be achieved, at least not on such a large scale, in the States. Which is a good thing. Because FROSH is dumb. I know I sound like a total Scrooge about the whole thing, but I bet you wouldn’t be so keen on FROSH if you, too, had to listen to drunken teenagers attempting to chant  “MORE BEER” in unison at all hours of the day. It comes with the territory of living in a building on a street that’s Ste. Catherine’s adjacent that sometimes things are going to get noisy. But srsly froshes, it’s time to simmer down. Stop ruining my peaceful, serene September days with your obnoxiousness. I’m over it. And you should be too, because you all look like idiots. Especially those of you who have chosen to don the oh-so-clever and timely “YOFO” shirts. That’s right, folks, you only frosh once. And I’m here to say, on behalf of every sane person living in my neighborhood, maybe that’s one time too many.

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